


Sparkle

by Epiphanyx7



Category: High School Musical (Movies)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-13
Updated: 2009-07-13
Packaged: 2018-03-20 20:59:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3664782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epiphanyx7/pseuds/Epiphanyx7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chad knew how important it was to pretend. And that was why he never looked at Troy in the locker room, and he always rolled his eyes and laughed it off if someone said that he was gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sparkle

**Author's Note:**

> [[Written for Cliché Bingo 2009. Cliché: Character Study.]] Oh for god's sake, I can't believe I wrote High School Musical fanfic. Spoilers through the third movie, which I have not seen. No, this doesn't have a neat and tidy tie-off ending. Why?

Chad remembered being maybe seven years old. "When I grow up," he'd said, seriously, sitting on the living room floor and watching TV with the rest of his family. "Me and Troy are going to get married." 

His dad cuffed him, hard enough that he lost his grip on the GI Joe action figure he'd been playing with. It broke when it hit the wall. Chad's ears had been ringing and he'd heard his mom start yelling at his dad, and the only part he understood was when his father said "--teach him not to talk like a little _faggot_ ," and his mom said "Chad, baby, go to your room."

Afterward, he pressed his face into his pillow, which was cool and smooth and didn't sting at all. His mother came into the room and pressed kisses onto his forehead and checked the bruise forming on the side of his face from where it had connected with the floor. "I'm so sorry, Chad, baby," She'd whispered. "I'm so sorry."

-

After the divorce and the ensuing custody battle over his sisters - his dad hadn't even pretended to want him - Chad's mom made the whole family move across town.

That almost sucked, except they moved just a few blocks away from Troy, close enough that they could walk to each others' houses any time they wanted. He never told Troy why his parents got divorced.

-

Chad knew how important it was to pretend. And that was why he never looked at Troy in the locker room, and he always rolled his eyes and laughed it off if someone said that he was gay. _Homophobes are just scared closeted freaks_ , his mom had told him, and that was why he was never allowed to be uncomfortable with it.

He pretended not to notice when Troy threw an arm over his shoulder, pressed his face into the skin on Chad's neck. And Chad never, ever used that word to insult someone.

He knew he was gay.

He accepted it.

He just didn't want everyone to turn on him the way his father did.

-

In high school, Chad met the Evans twins, who were so covered in rainbows and glitter it was impossible to tell them apart. When he realized that Ryan was, in fact, male and about as queer as a three-dollar bill, Chad didn't know what to do.

Freshman year started with Ryan being shoved against lockers and tripped in the hallway, and Ryan responded by humming showtunes and wearing as much eyeliner as his sister.

Chad responded by tripping the offending people in the hallway, and choosing them last for his team in gym class, and insulting their basketball skills.

-

"What's your problem with Ben, anyway?" Troy asked, sitting on the porch of Chad's house and eating a bowl full of strawberry ice cream.

Chad shrugged.

"He's not that bad, you know. But every time you start insulting his skills, he starts missing shots and screwing up. He's never going to make the team if you don't lay off."

"I don't want him on the team," Chad said, a little selfishly.

"Why not?"

"I'm gay," Chad said, and that was probably not the best time to say it or the best way to out himself to his best friend, but he stared doggedly in front of him and ate a spoonful of half-melted chocolate ice cream.

"Um," Troy said. "What's that got to do with Ben Russell?"

"He's a homophobe," Chad said, and then he finished his ice cream.

He'd been avoiding looking at Troy, because they were best friends, and Troy was probably going to hate him - or freak out, and be weird in the locker room. Or worse, he could tell everyone, and even if Chad denied it --

"I'm not," Troy said, looking stubborn as he ate his ice cream. "You know that, right?"

"Whatever," Chad said, smiling a little bit.

-

The next time Ben Russell muttered "Freak," and pushed Ryan down in gym class, Troy called him on it.

"What's your problem, Ben?" He yelled.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to watch, because Troy Bolton did not yell, not in gym class, and he certainly didn't march over to where the skinny blond boy was sitting on the ground to glare at the red-headed kid standing over him.

"What do you mean?" Ben asked, seemingly innocent. Chad hated him a lot.

"I mean, what is your problem with Evans? It'd be a hell of a lot easier for him to make a layup if you stopped shoving him." Troy said. The atmosphere in the room suddenly felt kind of chilly.

"I didn't shove him," 

"I saw you," 

And the two of them were glaring at each other, hands fisted at their sides, when the coach intervened.

-

When he started the tenth grade, Chad wore an old, faded green t-shirt with a hole in the left shoulder. Ryan wore a pink polo shirt and a matching fedora, completing his outfit with pink laces in his sneakers and a pair of brand-new, too-tight jeans.

In comparison, Chad felt like a hobo.

It was almost a good thing, because it meant nobody would think he was like Ryan.

But that wasn't a good thing.

-

When Troy started talking about liking musicals and maybe singing and dancing and wasn't Gabriella pretty, like really pretty, like the prettiest girl he'd ever seen and maybe in the whole entire world? Chad started to think his best friend had lost his mind.

Musicals, which the Evans twins had ruled since they'd first set foot in East High. That wasn't Troy's area, that was Ryan's, and even though Chad wanted to encourage his friend - well, it wasn't fair. Troy had basketball. He had basketball and Gabriella and to be quite honest, he was blowing Chad off enough without adding rehearsals and -- and singing lessons -- and stealing away the only thing that Ryan had at the stupid high school.

Not that Chad had ever talked to the kid.

Not that he ever would. (Jocks and Drama geeks just don't mix.)

But he still couldn't help but be offended, because Ryan was gay, and he was sparkly, and he _liked_ glitter and musicals and singing and dancing on stage, and Troy was already popular enough. Did he have to steal all of that away from people like Ryan? 

"Why are you being such a jerk?" Troy yelled.

"Why are _you_ being such a jerk?" Chad yelled back. "Don't you care about basketball? Why do you want to be in a stupid musical anyway?"

-

Troy won because Troy always won, and Chad congratulated him and pretended to be happy. He didn't watch Twinkle Towne, though, except for that one show where the understudies performed. (It wasn't that great, he didn't see what the appeal was.)

Musicals were stupid.

-

And then summer happened and Troy was off walking with Sharpay, and Chad was absolutely furious. Was he really expected to carry two stupid golf bags? They were ridiculously heavy and he could barely try to remember all the names of the clubs, nevermind what they were good for -

And Ryan, who had this weird expression on his face, stared at Chad, and then at the bags, and then he grabbed the one Troy was supposed to carry and started to walk.

Chad followed, mostly because he had to, and tried to think of something to say to thank the other boy. (Nothing came to mind.) 

They'd been walking for maybe a minute when Chad realized that Ryan's head was turned slightly away, and his cheeks were kind of red, and his lower lip was wobbling and holy shit, were those tears in his eyes?

Okay, he wasn't crying, or anything, but he was totally trying not to, which was all sorts of uncool. Chad felt all sorts of betrayed and horrified that Troy had left him here, and he maybe sort of realized that Ryan probably felt ten thousand times worse, because his entire family had left him to carry the clubs.

"Hey," He said. "Mr. Evans -- " because Lava Springs Policy meant that he had to call Ryan that, even now.

Ryan turned to look at him.

"Ask me if I'm a tree," Chad said.

"What?" Ryan looked confused.

"Ask me if I'm a tree," And okay, so this joke wasn't even that funny, but --

"Are you a tree?" Ryan sounded like he wanted to be somewhere else, talking to someone who wasn't crazy.

"No," Chad said cheerfully, and kept walking.

Ryan stared at him, mouth slightly open, a look of total and complete confusion on his face. " _What_?" he said, voice rising dangerously high near the end.

A minute later, Chad thought of another one. "Hey, Mr. Evans," He said, turning to Ryan. "What's white and lumpy and extremely dangerous?"

Ryan gave him a guarded look.

"Shark-infested mashed potatoes!" 

Ryan huffed and rolled his eyes, but he almost smiled. That was better.

"Why are crocodiles brown and flat?" Chad asked, grinning. Ryan didn't even look at him, but he was probably listening. "Because if they were yellow and round, they'd be lemons." Chad said.

Ryan groaned. "That wasn't even a joke," he protested.  


"What's black and white and black and white and green?" Chad said brightly. "Two skunks fighting over a pickle!"  
  
The corner of Ryan's mouth curved upward a little bit, and Chad was victorious. A smile!  
  
-  
  
The next time Ryan's family ditched him on the golf course, he sighed and grabbed the golf bag and fell into step beside Chad.  
  
"When's the best time to eat Reindeer meat?" Chad asked him. "When you're hungry!"   
  
Ryan rolled his eyes.  
  
"Why couldn't the chicken fly out of the window? Because it was closed."  
  
"You really need to be stopped," Ryan said. "A sense of humor like yours is so bad it's almost a crime."  
  
"Almost?"  
  
"What did one hat say to the other hat?" Ryan asked him.  
  
"Um," Chad really hadn't been prepared for Ryan to actually talk to him. "What?"  
  
"You stay here. I'll go on a head."   
  
Chad laughed so hard he dropped the golf clubs and spent two minutes trying to pick up the stupid bag.  
  
-  
  
Ryan played baseball, which was probably the biggest shock in Chad's entire life, because he played baseball well. Like, really well. Seriously well. He was good. He was almost better than Chad (or rather his team had been almost better. Ryan was better. That was kind of a scary thought, but there it was).  
  
And if Ryan could play baseball wearing sparkles, maybe Chad could learn to dance. It wasn't a big deal, right? Troy danced and sang and stuff.  
  
-  
  
The problem with spending time with Ryan was that he was actually a really great guy. Really, really great, which made it really hard to ignore the part where he was also really, really gay.  
  
Chad didn't mind Ryan being gay, he didn't mind at all, it's just that it got distracting sometimes, like when Ryan put his hands on Chad's hips and tried to get him to move with the beat. "Come on," Ryan said. "You can do it," And Chad would get distracted by the way Ryan's hands were pale against the dark wash of his jeans, and his fingernails were immaculately clean and well-manicured. And sometimes, Chad had to remind himself not to stare at Ryan's mouth, and not to touch Ryan too often -- because he still hadn't told anybody he was gay. (Except for his mom. And Troy.)  
  
-  
  
Senior year begun with Ryan getting shoved against a locker by Ben Russell, who was as much of an asshole as he ever was. And then Zeke showed up and shoved Ben into the row of lockers, and Troy was there too, holding him pinned to the metal surface.  
  
Ryan glared at them and said "I can take care of myself," kind of angrily.  
  
"What is your problem?" Ben demanded, struggling away from Troy and Zeke, looking flushed and a little angry. "Why do you care about the little queer, anyway?"  
  
"What makes you think it's about him?" Troy said, very seriously. "Maybe I just don't like your attitude."  
  
"None of the wildcats do," Zeke added.  
  
Ryan glared at them and walked away, fixing his hat determinedly.  
  
"I really hope you don't have a problem with him being gay," Troy said to Ben. "Because if you did, then I'd have a problem with you."  
  
Ben stared at him. Troy stared back.  
  
"Hey, Chad." Zeke said, nodding at him.  
  
-  
  
The other thing about Ryan was the way he totally got into a game of baseball and didn't mind if his clothes got messed up and torn. He was really competitive too, and he didn't mind when the other team underestimated him, because he just kicked their asses and sashayed his way to the dugout to a flurry of high-fives.  
  
-  
  
Oh and there was also the part where Ryan would hang out at the school when Chad had basketball practice so he could drive him home. Chad showered in the locker room and joked around with the other guys and then he sat in the front seat of Ryan's car while Ryan played showtunes really loudly and teased Chad about missing a free throw. Or he told Chad about his plans for the summer or he'd talk about a movie he'd seen once.  
  
-  
  
"What do you mean, you've never seen Amelie?" Ryan said, sounding horrified.  
  
"It's a French film about... gnomes." Chad said, or at least that is what he had understood, from where Troy and Gabi had been talking about it. "I just don't want to see anything that doesn't have like, at least one proper explosion in it."  
  
"You're a neanderthal," Ryan said affectionately.  
  
-  
  
Prom and graduation happened, and Ryan was going to Julliard which was like, at the other end of the universe, and Kelsi was going with him, and Gabi and Troy were fucking off to California or whatever, and it turned out that the only person he was going to know in the whole entirety of U of A was going to be Sharpay, which meant that Chad's life had gone from being sort-of shitty to sucking on majorly epic levels.  
  
"It's only New York, I don't know why you're freaking out about this," Troy said. "Seriously, calm down, Chad."  
  
"Why is everyone leaving me?" Chad hissed.  
  
"Um, it's nothing personal?" Troy tried, Chad really had to give him effort for trying.  
  
"Yeah I know -- it's just that New York is so far away."   
  
"Are you seriously going to miss Ryan more than me?"   
  
"Your'e going to be closer," Chad explained patiently. "Also, you're like, my brother. I'll see you at holidays and stuff."  
  
"Right," Troy said slowly. "Chad, you -- I mean. Do you... like Ryan? I mean, um, like him as, uh... more than a friend, maybe?"  
  
"What?" No, of _course_ not, Chad thought, but instead he changed the subject.  
  
-  
  
He didn't _like_ Ryan or anything, it was just really complicated. Especially because about halfway through his 'I Do Not Like Ryan That Way' speech to himself in his bedroom mirror, it became horribly apparent that he was madly and desperately in love with Ryan, and Chad wanted to _do_ something about it.  
  
He took Taylor to lunch and bought her fries and a burger and he sat beside her, held her hand and looked into her eyes. After he made sure that she'd swallowed her food and wasn't about to spray Pepsi all over the table, Chad spoke up. "Taylor," He said. "I'm gay."  
  
Taylor paused. "If this is some misguided attempt to get me to fool around with you in order to save you from yourself," She said, a little bit hesitantly. "It won't work. I'm actually okay with you being gay."  
  
He squeezed her hand. "I know. That's why I told you."  
  
-

**Author's Note:**

> I know this story doesn't end the way people want it to-- (ie. with a Happily Ever After) and I understand. However, this was meant to be a character study--- I never intended to write anything more than Chad learning to accept himself for who he is. 
> 
> Essentially, this is about Chad learning to let go of a lot of his interalized homophobia. 
> 
> That doesn't mean that everything stops here. In my head, the story stops here, takes 2 years to catch it's breath, and a chance meeting results in Chad and Ryan reconnecting during their college years-- when Chad is a little more settled into himself and is out to all his friends, and Ryan has a bunch of people who know how awesome he is, and they stumble around each other for a while before dating and eventually getting married and settling down. If I ever dig myself out of the horrifying mire of writer's block I'm stuck in, I might even write about it.


End file.
